Being a mother means giving up part of yourself. People trying to get pregnant, who want children more than anything need to realize that children mean giving up who think you are. Not that there's anything wrong with that, not that I would change anything--I feel like my family completes me and has made me a better me--and more than that, they have made me realize it isn't all about me. But everyone, I mean, EVERYONE, needs something that makes them a little more. I like a couple of things (well, more than that, but . . . ) and I think if I get to do them they make me a better person. But finding time to do them is difficult, and finding time to do one of them means the other things I like to do suffer. Do you follow? No? Well, let me explain a little.
Okay, so the four (I know I said a couple, but my first swim coach taught me that a couple could be anywhere from two to twenty) things I really like to do are exercise, read, write and socialize. I also have two daughters, ages almost-10 and 8 (actually, almost 9, but that remembering that they're only 15 months apart reminds me of the first four years of their lives and how little sleep I actually got), and their activities keep me running. Dance, swimming, lacrosse, school volunteering, PTO, IEP meetings (for my younger daughter--more on that at a later date), doctor appointments (again, for my younger daughter), play dates, parks, sleepovers . . . I'm exhausting myself. Plus there are all the things that I don't do for them that I feel like they should be learning--ice skating, skiing, reading clubs, family hikes, family bike rides . . . that make me even more tired. Yes, they are in school all day, but I work (from home, but I do work), and I'm married (and sometimes he is a big child), and both of those things take time out of my life. Again, I like my work and I love my husband, but they cut into 'me time.'
So, what I've found is that I can usually get one thing in a day that is all mine IF I keep my life the way it is. I can combine somethings; when I do the elliptical I can read, and when I'm working or writing I can listen to books. But that is about it. Reading and and swimming don't work well together, nor does writing and socializing. Kinda rude to rip out the laptop while we're pouring out our lives over wine and flatbread pizzas.
I'm sorry that my blog has been suffering, but I think I have a solution. I think I've got to start getting up earlier and writing. At 6:00. Yep, that sounds really good at 7:30 on a Sunday night. But getting up is another thing. My creative muse needs to get in there and overpower the sandman so I can get up at 6:00. Guess I'll start getting my muse to the gym and attempt to weaken the sandman. He is REALLY strong. I mean offensive lineman strong. So the muse will have to use different muscles to overpower him. I think she can do it. I mean, women have inner strength that men dream about, right?
Speaks the Nightbird by Robert McCammon
This book was a great story wrapped up in way to much descriptive narrative. I listened to this book, otherwise I could not have finished it. If I had been reading it, there is no way I could have made it through the first half, because the first half was incredibly boring, and, as noted above, my life is too busy to waste on boring books. It was perfect for work; I like background noise while I work, and that's what the first half was--background noise. It meandered and wandered down dead ends, but that was okay while I worked.
By the time it got to the story I was, luckily for me, just enough invested in the characters to keep listening. The actual story was wonderful--mysterious, interesting and thrilling. It took a long time to get the goods, but once there it was worth it. The dead ends seem to find the highway, finding its way to the meat of the story. McCammon does a great job of bringing in all the interesting characters and story lines from the first bit of the book and helping them make sense. It just takes a long while.
Bottom line: if you have time, read this book. It doesn't seem to be available on Kindle, but I would suggest listening to it on a long car ride. Or maybe at night when you are trying to go to sleep. It is available abridged (31 + hours) or unabridged (41 + hours).